It’s Haunted! by Zeke Jarvis
Given the recent chatter about the show, we wanted to give a quick overview of It’s Haunted! to put the recent events into their proper context. For those who were or are unaware, the show was a new twist on the popular real estate reality show genre. Prospective buyers would be brought to cosmetically appealing and reasonably priced homes. They would see the home’s amenities and neighborhood. After they were recorded giving an excited reaction to the property, they were told, as the title implies, that the home was haunted. All documented events and evidence of haunting were presented to the prospective buyers, and then they were asked if they would still buy the home.
The first episode was of a medium-sized but charming home in a suburban subdivision. The price was a staggeringly low $50,000, and virtually no repairs were needed. The price was low because the previous owners were brutally slain as a result of an affair the husband was having. Ever since all knives and many other pieces of silverware would go missing during the night.
The episode’s prospective buyers were a relatively young couple with one kid, so safety was an issue. But the wife was an accountant, and she did some calculations, finding that if the family ate out for most meals, they would still come out ahead with the very low cost of the home. The kid was happy to hear that he’d regularly be getting happy meals and pizza. McDonald’s was so pleased that they gave the family a gift certificate for a year’s worth of Happy Meals, making it an even better investment.
That first episode was wildly successful. It had a true crime element, family drama, and a major corporation tie-in. The online chatter was overwhelmingly positive, with people joking that they wished their homes had silverware-stealing ghosts. The whole first season was well-liked. From the very wealthy but arrogant old man who decided to turn down a mansion that had been a brothel and now had regular and loud sex noises to the heart-wrenching family who felt that they couldn’t pass up a small home with sinister laughter because the father had been laid off and had to take a lower paying job, there was humor, deep emotion, and always plenty of ghost action.
It also generated a variety of memes. Take, for instance, the woman who had an “I’ll pass on this one,” expression that fit reactions to everything from political movements to food trends to pro athletes’ performances. Or the kid who looked terrified when the kitchen drawers all opened simultaneously. The show generated several images that kept people coming back.
Unfortunately, the producers got greedy. They felt that they had to up the stakes for season two. So they started looking for poltergeists and more aggressively hostile spirits. Those properties were very cheap, because they were nearly uninhabitable, so the temptation was high. People would tell themselves that they could bring in an exorcist to get rid of the dangerous ghosts. For the season finale, they found a vacation home in a rural area of southeastern Wisconsin. The home had gorgeous views of a lake, plenty of space, and proximity to a community with surprisingly satisfying shopping and dining options. It also had been the site of ritualistic murders.
Ever since the murders, anyone who spent more than a few nights in the home would end up disemboweled and eyeless. A very well-to-do family went out to see it. They got the tour and the price information. They went to a hotel in the area to consider the offer. In the end, the family decided to buy it. They brought in a priest to perform an exorcism, they brought in a spiritualist to burn sage, and they brought in a paranormalist to demand that all ghosts leave. They then went there for part of the summer season. Three nights later, the entire family was dead.
The deaths happened the day that the episode aired. It was almost like the ghosts knew to do it that day. Interestingly, when the news broke, a lot of people cheered for the ghosts. They felt like the ghosts had killed some rich pricks who thought that they could buy their way out of danger. This presented a genuine problem for the producers. They had to acknowledge the serious tragedy. The thing was, if they completely vilified the ghosts, they risked alienating a key part of their fan base, and if they treated the ghosts as good or heroic, then they risked seeming so ghoulish that advertisers would drop out.
The compromise was to acknowledge the tragedy and announce a major donation to a deprogramming group that worked with former cult members. The argument was that this would honor the people who died as the result of ritual sacrifices without taking a clear position on the buyers. The family’s next of kin had the house burned to the ground, and they donated the land to the state to make a wildlife sanctuary. Had it not been for the wildlife sanctuary, it’s possible that the producers’ move would have been more widely applauded. Maybe the idea of deprogramming was just a little too abstract for most folks to get behind. Either way, the fans were thoroughly underwhelmed. Add onto that the start of “ghost frogging”, an activity where kids would break into haunted houses to spend the night, and add in all of the injuries and deaths that accompanied ghost frogging, and the show quickly lost viewers’ interest and drew fire from critics. Certainly, most people didn’t feel like making the memes anymore.
Maybe ending it after a couple of seasons was for the best. Maybe the idea had run its course. And there are still haunted houses and desperate buyers, they’re just not being televised and glorified. Though perhaps all hope is not yet lost. There’s supposed to be a feature-length documentary coming. They just found a secluded ranch where people have been disappearing for over a century. Maybe it’s a/ way to inject new life into the genre.
About the Author:
Zeke Jarvis (he/him/his) is a Professor of English at Eureka College. His work has appeared in Bat City Review, Bitter Oleander, and Moon City Review, among other places. His books include So Anyway…, In A Family Way, Antisocial Norms, and The Three of Them.
